Monday, August 15, 2011


So I'm sitting here at Goa Airport and there's this movie on Zee Cinema, muted ofcourse. I can't for the life of me figure out what the heck is going on but I have to admit, it's absolutely fascinating. I have no idea what the story line is. No idea who the protagonists are, can't for the life of me recognise any of the actors..... But man, the visuals I do see are so weird I honestly can't look away.
When I started watching it, there was this bare chested, long haired dude, slightly flabby but with the required beefiness. Somehow, he ended up in ice. Not on ice but in it. Don't ask. And he explodes out of the ice. So there's this beefy bloke lying prone on the floor and there are these chunks of ice strewn around him. Then this other guy, who looks like a cop of sorts, (still haven't figured out if he is or isn't) and he first acts surprised to see shirtless guy there, then shirtless guy regains conciousness and is shivering. They have words. Then possible cop guy starts kicking shirtless guy's arse and suddenly shirtless guy goes from a beefy wimp into one of those arch villian, indestructible rajnikant types. A few seconds later he morphs back. The possible cop guy also alternates between being terrified of the arch villian and beating up the wimp. Then a third dude comes in from somewhere and this totally improbable fight scene starts up.
Around this point I got bored and looked away. When I looked back there was this whole independence day thing on, with a whole bunch of cops, the requisite bunch of cute but dim kids, the constipated elder males and a woman with old lady make up and a white sari with a red border. She may have been a widow or just a highly respected epitome of womanhood, I really don't know. So now with this whole independence day celebration going on, there's this young cop going all rockstar on a santoor, some random kid spinning in slow motion and the epitome of woman hood looking fondly on. Womanhood then starts to sing and the elders start looking even more constipated and the camera pans to various pictures of Indies Gandhi and the Indian flag and then goes back to the constipated elders. I got bored again. The next time there was a tableau of one woman in a green sari, two guys in pantyhose face masks, and a 'baddie' with glasses, a black shirt and a white waist coat. Baddie is holding a machine gun and shoots another dude running towards him holding another gun. The fellow gets shot in the armpit of all things and dies. Evil guy laughs his evil laugh.
Unfair I think. You may be an extra but that doesn't mean he has to die of an armpit shot. And that too on the right side. Sheesh.....
Now they're at a hospital. Lots of people running around outside, constipated elder shoving a really geeky looking doctor around.
I give up. I have absolutely no idea what's going on. Where is the schitzofrenic arch villian? Very confusing. Oooh I just saw Nassiruddin Shah. He's in jail. Where did he come from? What's going on? This must have started out a big budget independence day blockbuster. Still not sure what they were aiming for though. I'm still as confused ad ever.