Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Age of Kalyug

The other day the Supreme Court ruled that narco, polygraph or brain mapping tests cannot be conducted on anyone without their consent. Lawyers and activists are overjoyed about this…. I don’t see the victims mentioned anywhere. In fact in one article a Lawyer was quoted saying that Narco tests are ‘simply unconstitutional and the Supreme Court has upheld the law.’ It seems that Chief Justice KG Balakrishnan and Justices R.V. Raveendran and J.M. Panchal described the forcible administration of these tests as an "unwarranted intrusion of the personal liberty" of a person accused of an offence. So what does that make murder, rape and assault? But we are civilized and therefore must protect the evil and allow the law of the jungle to decide the fate of the weak and the non media savvy.

It’s almost as if breaking the law is what is required for the system to take care of you. Think about it for a minute. You murder/rape/rob somebody and get caught by the cops. Now, please note, the rest of this hypothesis is based on the assumption that you or your act is high profile enough to generate sufficient media coverage, thereby drawing activists by the dozen. Petty crime will just get you slapped around. Activists aren’t attracted to events that won’t get them air time…. It just isn’t sexy enough… what in the world would they tell their Page 3 friends about? It’s such a waste of time if all your effort isn’t actively followed by thousands if not millions of people. So now assuming sufficient media coverage is available, the cops having caught you, are now under the media microscope and cannot so much as fart without some activist or the other screaming bloody murder – or in this case police brutality through excessive flatulence. So thanks to the many varied rulings of various courts that protect the accused, you are safe, well fed, mildly uncomfortable because of the ‘awful’ conditions in the jail (which is well maintained and regularly cleaned – quite an upgrade from the slums and abject poverty that most Indians live in) and as your court case will go on for years if not decades, you can maintain status quo ad infinitum. Of course there is the inconvenience of that sojourn being mentioned on your record and possibly affecting your employability, but then again the system being what it is, it probably won’t be too difficult to circumvent that as well. So now you’re in a nice settled routine and its time for the courts to give their verdict. If it goes against you, you appeal. Voila! Another decade spent in ashram like conditions. The law is absolute, while justice is relative…

If however you’ve been acquitted, well then, you’re in a bit of a quandary. If you want to stay you could just go right out and murder/rape/rob some other random character and go right back into the slammer for another decade…. Or… you could write a book about how you were wrongly incarcerated and had to suffer the ignominy of being in Jail! Missing out on the important things that signify freedom… like worrying about losing your job, struggling to keep said job, paying off a home loan, being able to afford a home, worrying about your next pay check or bonus, worrying about someone younger and better taking over your job…. Yeah…. Best seller material… stuff that the Page 3 types just lap up by the gallon. Nothing sells like misery. Even if it’s the story of a blood thirsty killer. In today’s convoluted system, its better to be unscrupulous and evil than it is to be god fearing and law abiding. Heck instead of spending thousands on a trip to the Himalayas, just bump off some well known bloke and you’re set for the next 30 years at least! The monk who sold his Ferrari, my foot! Your job, money, house and car are not going to go with you when you die, so why not embrace the ascetic life now itself?

Will reason ever prevail with the powers that be? Will the hand of God come down from the heavens and right all wrongs? Somehow I think not. Best thing to do, if you don’t plan on being a mass murderer, is to avoid being the victim. No one likes the weak, and no one protects the weak and there certainly aren’t too many activists fighting for the weak. Don’t believe me? Just go to the Vidharbha region in Maharashtra and hunt around for an activist. 200,000 farmers have taken their own lives since 1997. They were not murderers, rapists or robbers. They just couldn’t earn enough to pay off their debts. Guess no one told them that jail was probably far more comfortable than running a farm in rural Maharashtra.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

A new look at evolution...

I know there's this huge debate on the whole concept of evolution.... one faction convinced that we evolved from the apes, the others convinced that God created us to round off the Garden of Eden. I have a different view.... I think we were created by the bacteria as a food source. Think about it for a moment, however much we may brainwash ourselves into thinking we're at the top of the food chain, its the bacteria (and viruses) that have the last laugh. HIV or AIDS, the cold, influenza, pneumonia, TB and a whole plethora of other things that at a touch will bring us to a messly and untimely end. Here's what I think - and since I'm writing this, I'm allowed a little artistic license. After the last ice-age, the council of bacteria met and the heads of the various strains decided that enough was enough. They couldn't just stand by and watch their kind starve to death because of bad weather. No, something must be done. They needed a food source. A sustainable one, preferably something that was smooth on the palate. So they had scouts looking around. They found that animals  tasted far better than plants. Fish were a little iffy. After looking around a bit they came up on the apes, and found that they matched all criteria. they reproduced, were very low maintainence and were easily manipulated. Most importantly, they had barely any immunity. Wonderful! Manna from unicellular heaven! Said one to the other "You thinking what I'm thinking?" "Sure am!" said the other. And the Human race was chosen as the primary food source for the council and their bretheren.
Now the council discussed way's and means. "Well for starters, we need to make them totally self sufficient. They need to be able to maintain themselves and reporduce." "it woudl be nice if we could get them to bump off each other occasionally, they putrefy really well.... such a special bouquet!" "What if they could bump off entire hoardes of their own" "Oooohh good idea! A banquet!" "Ah well, feed the masses if you will, I still prefer mine ala carte."
After much discussion it was decided that the human race - aka primary food source - would have the following characteristics.
1) They would be able to feed themselves
2) They would be able to reproduce, in plenty.
3) They would constantly kill each other
4) They would adapt to varying environments so that everyone could be fed. From Ice to volvanic lava, from the desert to the equator. The primary food source would inhabit every environment there was. Thus bacteria could live wherever they wanted and never worry about not being able to catch a quick snack.
The list went on. Finally operation food source was put into operation and was a resounding success. Unfortunately like every successful product, the food source became commoditised and let to a situation of surplus. And to make things worse, the humans were destroying everything around them and killing off the bacteria. This was unacceptable, who'd ever heard of an experiment turning on its creator.... its just rude! This could not be allowed...Antibiotics, Vitamin C, Penicillin.... they had to go. So the grand council of the bacteria met once again and decided they needed to do something about it. A plan was decided upon.
They decided to send in their best and attack a chosen few. These would ensure pruning of the herd. Wars, weapons, pollution etc.... simple measures that made sure the population was back under control.... but done in such a way that the humans blamed each other and not their creators.... So the humans turned against each other and the Bacteria and Viruses had a blast...