A new look at evolution...

I know there's this huge debate on the whole concept of evolution.... one faction convinced that we evolved from the apes, the others convinced that God created us to round off the Garden of Eden. I have a different view.... I think we were created by the bacteria as a food source. Think about it for a moment, however much we may brainwash ourselves into thinking we're at the top of the food chain, its the bacteria (and viruses) that have the last laugh. HIV or AIDS, the cold, influenza, pneumonia, TB and a whole plethora of other things that at a touch will bring us to a messly and untimely end. Here's what I think - and since I'm writing this, I'm allowed a little artistic license. After the last ice-age, the council of bacteria met and the heads of the various strains decided that enough was enough. They couldn't just stand by and watch their kind starve to death because of bad weather. No, something must be done. They needed a food source. A sustainable one, preferably something that was smooth on the palate. So they had scouts looking around. They found that animals  tasted far better than plants. Fish were a little iffy. After looking around a bit they came up on the apes, and found that they matched all criteria. they reproduced, were very low maintainence and were easily manipulated. Most importantly, they had barely any immunity. Wonderful! Manna from unicellular heaven! Said one to the other "You thinking what I'm thinking?" "Sure am!" said the other. And the Human race was chosen as the primary food source for the council and their bretheren.

Now the council discussed way's and means. "Well for starters, we need to make them totally self sufficient. They need to be able to maintain themselves and reporduce." "it woudl be nice if we could get them to bump off each other occasionally, they putrefy really well.... such a special bouquet!" "What if they could bump off entire hoardes of their own" "Oooohh good idea! A banquet!" "Ah well, feed the masses if you will, I still prefer mine ala carte."

After much discussion it was decided that the human race - aka primary food source - would have the following characteristics.

1) They would be able to feed themselves

2) They would be able to reproduce, in plenty.

3) They would constantly kill each other

4) They would adapt to varying environments so that everyone could be fed. From Ice to volvanic lava, from the desert to the equator. The primary food source would inhabit every environment there was. Thus bacteria could live wherever they wanted and never worry about not being able to catch a quick snack.

The list went on. Finally operation food source was put into operation and was a resounding success. Unfortunately like every successful product, the food source became commoditised and let to a situation of surplus. And to make things worse, the humans were destroying everything around them and killing off the bacteria. This was unacceptable, who'd ever heard of an experiment turning on its creator.... its just rude! This could not be allowed...Antibiotics, Vitamin C, Penicillin.... they had to go. So the grand council of the bacteria met once again and decided they needed to do something about it. A plan was decided upon.

They decided to send in their best and attack a chosen few. These would ensure pruning of the herd. Wars, weapons, pollution etc.... simple measures that made sure the population was back under control.... but done in such a way that the humans blamed each other and not their creators.... So the humans turned against each other and the Bacteria and Viruses had a blast...