Woes of the Working Mother

I have been a bad, bad blogger and haven't blogged a blog since 2012. I hope to rectify that. There were many drafts that were created with great diligence and then abandoned for reasons too many to enumerate.

First off, Cambridge! I loved it. Not because of the faculty, or the weather (oh gwad help us the weather was hell on earth type awful), or the rowing or the food or even the buildings.... it was the people I studied with. I have never in my life (or since then) come across a madder, more brilliant bunch of mental cases crammed into one batch. During that halcyon period, I did a global marketing project for Raspberry Pi, a risk study for Swiss Re and interned with IBM's India Research Lab where I made pitch decks and helped them market 5 of the technologies that they had developed. They offered me a job in Bangalore, idiot that I was, I turned it down because I was living in NCR. Instead, I joined a Cambridge based tech commercialization company called Accelerator India. It was massive fun. I spent the next two and a half years helping British tech companies expand into India, met with folks all across the spectrum in India from Joint Secretaries, to ministers, to regulators in telecom and electronics, to defence personnel to PSU head honchos, Private corporate managements and a tonne of start ups.

Then I got pregnant and everything changed. I was an 'at risk' pregnancy which meant that I was treated little better than a meat based incubator and only the fetus mattered. Excruciating pain caused by what I later found out was a severe Vitamin D deficiency was passed off as "Oh this is normal, don't make a fuss". I had such a terrible time with my first OB/Gyn I switched doctors in my second trimester. Thank God for Practo, because my first doctor refused point blank to give me a reference. Anyway, after a pregnancy I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy, I delivered a healthy baby girls and got down to the serious business of making sure she met all her baby milestones and was well cared for.

Then it was time for work. During my maternity break, Brexit had hit and my previous company closed down on me. So I had to start the search anew. For the uninitiated, that is never a pleasant thing, particularly with an infant that needs looking after. My biggest savior? The day care center. I would not be working today if it wasn't for the day care center. There really need to be more day care centers around the country. Women need it.

At the time there were only two chains in Gurgaon that offered standardized day care for infants. My daughter was 10 months old at the time. Ipsaa and KLAY were the only two available. I picked Ipsaa because they served the children fresh cooked food while KLAY insisted that I send food for my baby. I was going to start work and couldn't afford to puree stuff first thing in the morning and she was already on solids and was moving away from formula. So KLAY was out and Ipsaa was in. Intellitots and the smaller ones were dismissed for location, facilities, staff etc etc.

But let me tell you, working with a kid, despite all the support that day care provided, was horrendous. Whether you have a supportive company or not, deadlines do not care about a sick kid. Your kid cannot understand why mama needs to work on a weekend and cannot play with her or hold her. I would look forward to her naps, because that was the only time I got to complete my work. Husband, family etc, there's a lot of verbal support, but you the mother are still expected to make your child the priority. You are expected to watch in silence while younger colleagues get promoted over you and be content watching your child smile. Having a child and going back to work really made me realize a couple of things:
1) Children and front line jobs are mutually exclusive. You can have a kid if you have a 9 to 5 job that never demands overtime and where you can easily find someone to substitute you when you have to go for a parent teacher meeting or look after your sick kid
2) No matter what your boss says, you will still be expected to compete with your childless male colleagues
3) Salaries will mostly not be the same, no will salary growth. I took a salary cut when I joined my current company after my maternity break and I still haven't reached the level I was at, pre-maternity
4) Every day is a compromise. There are no more big wins
5) You need your parents around. Else kiss your job goodbye.

This was a slightly dreary post but I promise the next one will be a hoot and a half. Lock down adventures, coming up next

A new chapter....

So the Cambridge chapter of my life has begun. On Friday the 14th of September I was officially matriculated into the system... while signing a printout may not seem all that 'Vavoom!' trust me, it is. After several hic-cups, things finally got sorted out... in my case primarily because my better (at IT) half sorted it out for me. Left to my own devices I would probably have done something drastic like smashing something smashable or just given up all hope and gone home. The highlight of the day, for me at least, was the Matriculation Dinner. Not for the formality and the style and the rest of that blabitty blah blah blah. Oh no. I (The sole Goan in the batch - yes I am that awesome ;-P) thoroughly enjoyed myself because of the food and the conversation. Perhaps I was just lucky but I had a totally hilarious bunch of people around me. 

The conversation started off innocently enough with the basic introductions and the bread. Then came the first course - this awesome tart with onions caramelised in brie or something equally exotic...anyway, it was awesome. Conversational content was also upped a notch. I had a tutor diagonally opposite me with two Americans on either side of him. Unfortunately for him, both were climbing nuts - something he knew absolutely nothing about. He was however an ex-bond fund manager, so obviously we had a lot to talk about. So there was this very earnest T-shaped conversational thing going on, with the tutor describing his career to the guy at my side and me whenever necessary and the two bouldering nuts talking around him about various climbing and bouldering options in and around Cambridge. So you had things like the Russian debt default interspersed with chalk bags and climbing shoes. I tell you solemnly, the situation was hilarious. Neither part of the T-Conversation knew a thing about what was going on in the other conversation but their respective discussions were too interesting to let go off. That then shifted to a squarish conversation about Americans and English in America. You know how when you go places and locals find out that you are Indian, the first question you sometimes get is 'Do you know Amitabh Bachchan?' Well apparently British get asked if they know the Queen or anyone from the Royal family. Needless to say that conversation quickly deteriorated into accent imitations. One of the Americans was half Scottish and his vocal renditions of Scots versus American was quite, quite priceless. 

Just when I thought it couldn't get any funnier, another 'spirited discussion' erupted on my other side. I must mention that I had the Praelector on my other side with an Australian batchmate opposite him. The Australian managed to get himself totally tangled in his own argument and the Praelector was having a jolly good chuckle at his expense. This was now more interesting than the 'American idiosyncrasies' discussion. So obviously, I got into it. The Praelector specialises in medieval history. Apparently there's a whole other debate on what actually constitutes the medieval period. That led to a discussion on medieval politics and economics. Did you know that most warlords fought for control of sheep? Makes sense actually - food and clothing... like a two for one deal! Score!!! Eitherway, that then led to a thorough study of land grab strategy and liege lords and wars and then inheritance laws, both in England and in its colonies, and how English laws spread to Portugal and France etc. And did you know that London wasn't always in the place where it is now? Apparently at some point in the time before texts, it was somewhere else and was then shifted. But people are still trying to figure out exactly where! I can just imagine the heated arguments describing exactly why A thinks London was there aned B refuting it saying London was actually several miles to the left. Stirring stuff! 

And that wasn't the end of it! Oh no! The grace was said (in Latin) and some people don't agree with several of the statements in it!!!!! I was like...really!?! The last time I encountered Latin was when I was signing a bunch of forms before getting married! And here I am studying for an MBA when there are people doing PhD's in Latin and Medieval history and Bio Chemistry and Microbiology and I don't know what the heck else! Trust me, nothing can show you just how insignificant a blot on the landscape you are, like two faculty members arguing a point in Latin.